Last time I posted a handful of jokes, I caught a little flak from my trombone playing friends from the Marching Hundred. So in fairness, I’m opening this set with some jokes about my own instrument, the clarinet.
Sigh. Um, by the way, I’m the short clarinet player in the back row in this picture. Ahh…back in the days when we all played with those awful white, Vito clarinets that were supposed to provide contrast to our uniforms! They did – for anyone within ten yards of us, but beyond that…it was pretty lost. The capes were cool though!
1. What’s the definition of perfect pitch?
- – When you toss a clarinet into a dumpster and don’t hit the sides.
2. What do clarinet players use as birth control?
- – Their personalities.
3. How do you get 2 piccolos to play in unison?
- – Shoot one.
4. What’s a minor second?
- – Two sax players reading off of the same chart.
4A. What’s a minor second?
- – Two oboes playing in tune.
5. What’s the difference between a clarinet and a mouse?
- - You can’t hear a mouse squeak over an entire band!
6. What’s the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
- – You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
7. What do you call 1,000 trumpet players at the bottom of the ocean?
- – A start.
8. What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
- – A viola burns longer.
9. How do you get a bassist off your porch?
- – Pay him for the pizza.
10. What’s the difference between a trampoline and a cello?
- – You take off your shoes before jumping on a trampoline.
11. How do you get a guitar player to turn down?
- – Put a chart in front of him.
12. What do you throw a drowning guitar player?
- – His amp.
13. How many guitar players does it take to play a Stevie Ray Vaughn solo?
- – All of them, apparently.
14. What’s the difference between an onion and an oboe?
- – Nobody cries when you cut up an oboe.
15. What’s the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
- – You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
OK folks – feel free to leave your favorite jokes in the comments below! Take care! - Heather
Happy Friday! A few months ago, I asked my friends on Facebook for some of their favorite musical jokes. I received a fair amount but know there are still plenty more out there. My quest for good, musical humor will always continue, but since it’s Friday, I thought I’d share a few with you.
Following are some of the jokes from the collection my friends and I came up with on Facebook. Some of these have been around since my marching band days in high school and college and some were new to me. They’re all good though.
After reading these, feel free to add your own in the comments below. Enjoy!
Apologies to trombone players and percussionists and…
1. What’s the dynamic range of a bass trombone?
- – On and off.
2. What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombone player’s arm?
- – A tattoo.
3. How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn?
- – Stick your hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
4. What’s the difference between a trombone and a law mower?
- - Vibrato.
5. What’s the latest crime wave to hit the United States?
- – Drive-by trombone solos.
6. What’s the definition of a trombone?
- – Manually operated wind driven pitch approximator.
7. What’s the range of a trombone?
- – About 20 or 25 yards, depending on how hard you throw it.
8. How can you tell when a drummer is at your door?
- – The knock rushes.
9. A bass player and a drummer walked past a bar.
10. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
- – A drummer.
11. Why should you always lock your car door when leaving a set of bagpipes in the back seat?
- – Because there might be a second set back there when you return!
12. If someone is knocking at your door, how do you know it’s a female vocalist?
- – You open the door and she doesn’t know where to come in. (And she can’t find the key)
And who can resist a good lightbulb joke?
13. How many sax players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
- – Only one, but a roomful of others to argue over how Coltrane would have done it.
14. How does a soprano change a light bulb?
- – She just holds it and the world revolves around her.
15. How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
- – Five. One to change it and four to argue over who could have done it better.
Yes – that last one is definitely from my marching band days! Heh heh heh! Don’t worry – I have plenty more to share. All things in moderation, right? Feel free to add your own jokes below. I’d love to hear them!
Have a great weekend everyone! – Heather